


Indelibly Yours

by venetum



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Ben dates Bazine for a bit, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining, Professor!Ben Solo, Soulmate AU, body swap but not completely, but this turns into a Professor!Ben fic, eventual professor / student, professor!kylo ren, they both want each other but they're too stubborn to admit it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:54:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23705689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/venetum/pseuds/venetum
Summary: It is said that when the universe first came into being, certain particles of matter were drawn to each other, destined to spend the rest of eternity together. However, over time, these particles were separated in the creation of different souls. Yet the particles called to each other, longing to be reunited once more. Thus came soul mates—people who were absolutely perfect for each other, destined to spend their lives searching for the peace that meeting the other half of their soul would bring. It is said that every year starting with the youngest’s eighteenth birthday, the soulmates will swap bodies. This will occur until the soulmates sleep together, and the bond is fulfilled.Ben Solo has gone six years believing his soulmate does not exist. Rey is on the brink of turning eighteen. The only problem? Ben is in a relationship and Rey isn’t so sure she wants a soulmate at all.As the years pass,  and the two continue to swap bodies, neither of them wants to admit how badly they want to meet the other. At least, that is, until three years after her eighteenth birthday, when Rey walks into Professor Ren's Advanced Literature class and gets the shock of her life.
Relationships: Armitage Hux/Rose Tico, Leia Organa/Han Solo, Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 138
Kudos: 161
Collections: Anniversary Fic Exchange 2020, Reylo Hidden Gems





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JustYouBenSolo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustYouBenSolo/gifts).



> This is for JustYouBenSolo as part of the Reylo Writing Den's Anniversary Exchange. I hope you enjoy it! I couldn't help but make this a Professor Solo fic—it just felt right lol.
> 
> Happy Reading!
> 
> Also the prompt was: Soulmate au where once a year, starting on the youngest’s 18th birthday, soulmates swap bodies for a day if they have not met yet. Rey has just turned 18 and she has not met her soulmate yet.

_“What’s the difference?” I asked him. “Between the love of your life, and your soulmate?” “One is a choice, and one is not.”_

_― Tarryn Fisher, Mud Vein_

Rey Niima had never been one hundred percent comfortable with the idea of soulmates. If there existed people, who were so perfect for each other that the entire universe broke its rules to allow them, one day a year, to collect the clues needed to find each other, then why was it that so much pain still existed in the world?

Why was it that people spent their entire lives waiting for the day they would be able to swap bodies with their perfect counterpart, only for that day to never come? Why was it that some people simply did not have soulmates at all? 

Why was it that her parents, despite their supposedly perfect bond, had been desperate enough to try to sell her for drugs, when they were supposed to complete and better each other?

If it hadn’t been for the police, who had conducted a raid on the sleazy man to whom Rey had been sold a mere few days after the sale had occurred, she wasn’t sure where she’d be today. She had bounced around various foster and group homes when she was younger, before finally settling at her current foster home, with a nice old lady named Maz, two years previously. Being assigned to Maz’s had effectively saved her life, allowing her to finally understand what it felt like to have a home and even meet her best friend: Finn Storm. 

Rey had been a permanent fixture in Finn’s life by the time he had turned eighteen the year previously, and had been able to witness first hand the story of a soulmate pair that successfully found one another. The entirety of Finn’s birthday had passed with Rey being acutely aware of the foreign presence observing her through her best friend’s eyes, leaving her more than a little bit unnerved. Meeting Poe for the first time a few days later had put her at ease, the twenty-four-year-old grad student the perfect, easygoing match to Finn’s down-to-earth intensity. 

However, she couldn’t help but feel extremely apprehensive regarding the entire process. The idea of having a complete stranger in her head, observing her every move for an entire day, was a bit too invasive for her to wrap her head around. Both Finn and Poe had repeatedly assured her that her soulmate wouldn’t actually be able to control her actions on the day of her birthday, and had even urged her to write down her contact information for him, somewhere that he’d clearly be able to see it. 

Rey had refused to do so, choosing to believe that if her soulmate really wanted to find her, they would do it the old fashioned way: passive observation that allowed the two to collect clues regarding the other’s location, but ultimately leaving their meeting up to fate. 

While she still had her reservations and a truckload of damage to remind her that meeting one’s soulmate didn’t signify the perfect happy ending, like those the media so often depicted, she couldn’t help but foster a minuscule spark of hope deep down inside of her. 

Maybe, just maybe, the universe would want to make up for the lousy hand it had dealt her. Maybe, she finally deserved to be happy. 

* * *

Ben Solo had long since come to terms with the fact that his soulmate did not exist. Six years past his eighteenth birthday, he had all but given up hope. When he had woken up on the day of his eighteenth birthday, a day that felt like it had been eons ago now, and realized that he was in his own body, he’d known deep down inside that this was karma. 

His eighteenth birthday had simply confirmed what Ben had always feared: he didn’t deserve a soulmate. He wasn’t worthy enough to have what his parents had. 

No matter how flawed their relationship might have seemed on the surface, he had always craved the sort of understanding they shared—the kind that allowed his mother to calm his father down with a gentle touch, the kind that allowed them to communicate with a mere glance into each other’s eyes. Growing up around so many pairs of happy soulmates did that to a person, he’d come to realize. It had made him take for granted that his soulmate would be out there waiting for him, ready to find him as soon as the youngest of them turned eighteen. 

He had now come to terms with the fact that his soulmate didn’t exist—he was a freak of nature, an anomaly who would be alone forever—and had tried to move on as best he could. Watching his parents and other soulmate pairs interact had grown painful after all these years, yet Ben believed he was now as happy as he could be, all things considered. 

He was in graduate school at one of the nation’s top universities and dating a fellow classmate whose soulmate had not surfaced thus far. He had a moderately sized group of friends who he did not completely despise and a decently sized apartment he shared with the girlfriend he thought he loved.

It was enough for him. It had to be.


	2. one

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey and Ben swap bodies for the first time and learn some not-so-pleasant things about themselves and each other

__

_“A bond between souls is ancient - older than the planet.”_

_― Dianna Hardy, The Witching Pen_

**Year 1, Age 18**

Lying in bed the night before her eighteenth birthday, Rey couldn’t help the apprehension that had settled in a pit at the bottom of her stomach. She’d read about this, of course, about what happens the night before one’s eighteenth birthday. She’d had mainstream media shoving unlikely soulmate romances down her throat for as long as she could remember, and was aware that her fate would be sealed as soon as she allowed herself to fall asleep that night. 

As she laid awake, staring at the tiny chip in the paint on her ceiling, which was situated just in her line of sight, she couldn’t help but wonder what her soulmate might be like. 

She wondered if she really should write out her full name and phone number somewhere conspicuous, where he’d be able to see it if he was swapped into her body the next day. 

_He might not exist at all,_ her subconscious reminded her rather helpfully. _You might wake up tomorrow and just be in your own bed_. 

He would have to be older than her, she realized, for them to swap bodies the next day. She smiled slightly at the idea—she’d never really been attracted to boys her age anyway. But what if he was too old? What if he was forty and already married? What if he owned a house in the suburbs of some big city and had three kids and a dog already?

Perhaps writing out her details for him to see would be too presumptuous after all. If they were destined to meet, then fate would make it work even without her doing so, she decided. Squeezing her eyes shut, Rey willed her mind to calm. Sleep would bring her the answers she so desperately desired, and maybe even the cure to the loneliness that had plagued her every single day since her parents had left her. 

Sleep would bring her to him. 

Or, at least that’s what she hoped. 

* * *

Rey was groggy when she woke up the next morning, eyes bleary and limbs heavy. Instinctually, her hands came up to her face to rub the sleep out of her eyes. Blinking groggily, she jolted awake with a start upon realizing that the hands in front of her face were not her own. Much larger than hers, the hands looked like they contained the strength to crush rocks if they wanted to. 

They were her soulmate’s hands, she realized. The body-swap had taken place and she now had a full day to passively observe her soulmate’s life through his eyes. Her body—his body?—began to move as he swung his legs over the side of his spacious bed and stumbled his way to the bathroom. 

Rey took in as much of his bedroom as she could on the way there, observing the navy blue walls, lined with bookshelves that were brimming with books, the wall above his bed that was plastered in posters of obscure bands she’d never heard of, and the desk that was nestled between two doors, the one her soulmate was currently headed towards and the one she assumed led out into a hallway. 

The room looked like it belonged to a teenage boy, Rey reflected as her soulmate pushed open the door to his bathroom, albeit a teenage boy with a rather obvious love of reading. Maybe he was only a year or two older than her after all. 

Rey quickly zoned out as her soulmate went about his business, freshening up for his morning, and only tuned back into the feed from his eyes when he approached the bathroom sink. 

She waited with bated breath as he squeezed toothpaste on to his toothbrush, knowing that he would soon have to look up into the mirror she assumed was in front of them. She would be getting her first look at him soon. 

His gaze drifted upwards, and Rey felt like the glimmering, chocolate-brown eyes she saw reflected back at her could see straight through to where she currently resided in his head. A large, straight nose, coupled with some of the fullest lips Rey had ever seen, and a pair of adorably large ears, made up his face; a strange mix of features that wouldn’t look good on their own but somehow worked perfectly together on him. Rey spied a spattering of moles, starting at his forehead and making their way down his neck, and scruffy hair on his chin which looked to be the beginnings of a goatee. Internally, she grinned. 

She couldn’t wait to meet him, she realized as she observed her soulmate. She hadn’t believed what Finn had been talking about when he’d gone on and on about how perfect he believed Poe was—especially since his gushing had occurred prior to Finn ever having actually met Poe in person. However, as she gazed at her soulmate’s reflection, watching as he went through the most mundane of motions, she felt as though she finally understood. She understood exactly what Finn had described when he’d first swapped bodies with Poe the year before, the feeling of belonging that washed over her when she looked into her soulmate’s eyes. Imagining the feeling was even more potent in person, Rey felt a deep pang of regret that she hadn’t written down that contact information. 

She’d left her future up to the fates, and she could only hope that they would have mercy on her. 

As her soulmate continued to get ready for his day, Rey was left alone to her thoughts. She averted her gaze as best she could while he showered and allowed her mind to drift. She wondered what she was doing back at home at that very moment, her body going through the motions and enjoying her day with her friends and family while her soulmate watched them. Perhaps Finn and Poe would be just as embarrassing as they had promised they would be, dropping hints about her location and ways to contact her whenever they possibly could. She would know once she woke up the next morning, when the memories of their respective days returned to them, to sit alongside all that they had observed while their bodies were swapped. 

Rey went back to paying attention when she realized her soulmate had exited his bedroom and was making his way down a flight of stairs to enter what she assumed to be the kitchen of the house. He approached a tall, stainless-steel, double-doored fridge, and Rey was surprised to find that they seemed to be at eye-level with the top of it. As her soulmate crouched slightly, reaching for some butter from a low shelf, Rey felt her stomach flutter slightly. Her soulmate was _huge_. 

He made his toast, and Rey took in as much of the kitchen as she could. With its marble countertops, state-of-the-art appliances, and massive island, the only conclusion Rey could come to was that her soulmate—or at least, her soulmate’s family—was financially comfortable in a way Rey had never been in her life. 

“It’s nice to finally see you up and about!” Rey heard a female voice exclaim, seeing a woman, who looked incredibly tiny from her high vantage point, walk into the room. She was dressed in a smart, navy blue pantsuit, greying hair pinned up in the most intricate of braids. “It seems as though all you’ve done since you’ve come home from school is sleep.”

Rey heard her soulmate grunt, bending down to place a kiss on the woman’s cheek. His mother, Rey guessed.

“Finals week was hell. You know how it is. Before last night, I hadn’t slept properly in weeks.” He sighed.

His mother shook her head at him. “You have to take better care of yourself, Ben.” Ben—her soulmate’s name was Ben. Rey wasn’t sure he could’ve had a more perfect name if he’d tried.“You know by now how important managing your time is,” his mother carried on, settling into a stool across from her son. “Don’t let people like Bazine Netal distract you from what’s important.”

“Stop, Mom. We’ve spoken about this,” Ben reminded her, exasperation clear in his tone. It seemed to Rey that this conversation between the pair was quite the regular occurrence. 

“You know I’ll never approve of her. She just isn’t right for you.”

“Well not all of us are given the perfect match, are we Mother?” Ben snapped. “It’s been six years; you need to come to terms with the fact that I don’t have a soulmate. I never have, and I probably never will. I can’t just spend the rest of my life waiting for someone when I have no idea whether they even exist at all.” He stopped and gave a heavy sigh. “I love Baz, Mom. She makes me happy. If you came and visited us some time, you’d see that.”

The face of Ben’s mother crumpled as she leaned forward, doing her best to wrap her broad-chested son in a hug. 

Rey tuned out the rest of their conversation, pain deeper than anything she’d ever experienced slicing through her. Her soulmate didn’t want her, and he probably never had. He would never be able to love her, she realized numbly, closing herself off from him. His heart already belonged to someone else.

She had never been worthy of him anyway, she thought bitterly. This was what she deserved. She couldn’t be mad that he hadn’t waited for her, not when he had found someone for himself who was, no doubt, far less damaged than Rey. 

All she’d ever really wanted was to belong. It was a feeling she craved in the darkest depths of her soul, one that had not left her for as long as she could remember, but it seemed that even the universe believed Rey was destined to be alone forever. 

To be alone was her curse, one placed on her the moment her parents had traded her for drugs. Still, she had gotten through her life thus far without her soulmate, sometimes without anyone, and even though it hurt like hell, she would survive his rejection of her just as well. 

* * *

Ben knew what was happening almost as soon as he opened his eyes that morning. Or, he supposed, almost as soon as his soulmate opened hers. Staring up at an unfamiliar ceiling covered in glow-in-the-dark stars, a feeling of immense elation overtook Ben. 

She was real. 

His soulmate was real. 

She made her way out of bed, allowing him a glimpse of her room. It seemed atypical for that of a teenage girl, walls plastered with different astrophysics posters, floor littered with clothes and what looked to be high school textbooks. She made her way towards her closet, pulling out a few different outfits before walking over to the full-length mirror that rested against one of the walls adjacent to her bed. 

Ben’s heart stuttered as he realized he was going to see what she looked like. 

When she finally looked up and into the mirror, holding up one of the outfits she had chosen, Ben felt his heart stop. 

She was beautiful in a timeless sort of manner, with high cheekbones, a sharp jawline, and brown eyes Ben wished he could stare at forever. And yet, as he continued to look at her, Ben felt a sense of unease settle over him. There was a softness to her, a youthful glow that reminded him how old she really was. 

_Eighteen. Barely legal,_ he thought bitterly, the unfairness of it all squeezing his heart in a vice-like grip. Sure, society made exceptions for soulmates—it wasn’t unusual to hear of soulmate pairs that were upwards of ten years apart in age—but he knew he couldn’t let this go on any further. He could not see any more of her, he could not allow himself to get any more attached than he already had. 

She was only eighteen; she had her whole life ahead of her. She didn’t need him to barge into her life and fuck it up. She deserved to be able to decide what she wanted to do without being tied down by someone who society had deluded her into thinking she was supposed to spend the rest of her life with. 

He had Baz. He was fine with his life. He’d come to terms with never finding his soulmate years and years ago. 

He wrenched his gaze away from her almost painfully, closing his presence in on himself. He was intent to return to his own body, not wanting the temptation of being close to her any longer. 

It was all for the best, he reassured himself. His soulmate would be better off this way. He was sure she was probably too good to deserve someone like him, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked the chapter! Ben has good intentions at heart, I promise. But these two are just super super stubborn! I'm having so much fun writing this, do leave a comment with your thoughts :)
> 
> Thank you to [ Hannah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/metallia2797/pseuds/metallia2797) for the beta read ❤️


	3. two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you like the chapter! This one's definitely longer, but I had a lot of ground to cover! Writing chapters with time jumps is definitely different, but I'm doing my best lol. I've also added a tentative final chapter count but I'm almost certain that that'll change before the end. 
> 
> Thank you to [ Hannah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/metallia2797/pseuds/metallia2797) for the beta read ❤️

_“Loving can cost a lot but not loving always costs more, and those who fear to love often find want of love is an emptiness that robs the joy from life.”_

_—Merle Shain_

**Year 2, Age 19**

Sitting in the back of her Calculus classroom, Rey was having a hard time concentrating on her final exam. The test should’ve been a breeze and, honestly, the content was. But, for the past forty minutes, every time Rey felt as though she’d made some headway with a problem her mind drifted back to the day’s date: December 14th. Her birthday was the next day, and she’d yet to decide whether she wanted to swap bodies with Ben or not. 

Society had come to view the body swap—and the soulbonds as a result—as a choice, albeit one that they did not expect people to deny. For rarer cases, where people were bonded to less savory characters or wanted to reject the bond entirely, the government had tied up with pharmaceutical companies to provide pills that prevented the body swap from occurring. 

To be taken by either half of the pair the night before the swap was meant to occur, the blockers were meant to protect those who did not want their soulmates to find them. 

In the year that had passed since Rey’s last birthday, blockers had been an idea she toyed with frequently. Her eighteenth birthday haunted her almost daily, the reminder of what she’d witnessed regarding her supposed soulmate only pushing her need to be independent even further. The day she had spent stuck within the mind of the soulmate that did not want her had been an experience she was sure she didn’t want a repeat of ever again. And yet, every time she came close to registering on the government website and having the blockers delivered home, she ended up talking herself out of it. Some part of her, no matter how small and unreasonable, still held out hope that maybe Ben had broken up with his girlfriend. That maybe her existence had changed things for him 

Arriving at Coruscant University only a few months earlier had been precisely the distraction Rey needed. She’d had a chance to meet new people—people who were nowhere near as obsessed with finding their soulmates as Rey’s classmates had been in high school—and study what she actually wanted to study. 

She’d had the opportunity to push this soulmate crap to the back of her mind and pretend it didn’t bother her nearly as much as it did. Until now, that is. The unfortunate part of having her birthday fall just after the end of the Fall semester was that Rey had been so worried about not failing her finals, she’d forgotten her birthday was coming up until the morning of her last exam of the week. 

She had been in a mad rush to get out the door that morning, looking over the various problem sets she’d spent the night solving in an attempt to fit as much Math into her brain as physically possible, when her phone had beeped with a reminder that her birthday was the next day. 

It was hardly surprising, then, that she’d been a tad distracted heading into the exam. 

Eventually, though, she finished off the last problem on the test. Taking a deep breath, she stood from her seat at the back of the lecture hall and slung her messenger bag over her shoulder before gathering up any loose paper she’d used. She handed her test in to the TA who had been supervising the exam and headed out of the room. That was it. It was done. She felt an immense sense of relief wash over her at the realization that she’d finished her last final of the semester. 

She pulled her phone out of her bag as soon as she left the building, pulling up the website that sold Bond Blockers. As she scrolled to look for the tab that would allow her to fill in her information, a box titled _Delivery Information_ in bold, red letters caught her eye. 

_Due to the fast-approaching holiday season, all products will take a minimum of three to four business days to be delivered to you. We are sorry for any inconvenience this may cause. Same-day delivery will resume after the holiday season. Please subscribe to our e-newsletter for updates._

Cursing furiously under her breath, Rey felt like kicking herself for not remembering to order the blockers sooner. She’d been complacent, she realized, but some part of her couldn’t help wondering if perhaps this was fate at play.

Dread was beginning to accumulate at the bottom of her stomach, a nauseous feeling that was being offset by a feeling that made Rey even angrier at her current situation. For with the dread came the slightest sliver of hope. 

* * *

The little red pills rattled about in their plastic case as Ben tossed it back and forth between his hands. The second he’d woken up from the body swap the year before, he’d convinced himself that blockers were the answer to his life remaining problem-free. The answer to him not turning into some kind of creep. This proved to be true in theory, at least. Ordering the blockers online had been painless—easy, even. He’d resolved himself not to let anybody in his life know that his soulmate actually existed. Or worse, that she was so much younger than him and would probably never want him at all. He’d been so worked up after seeing her for the first time that he’d been fuelled by his sheer discomfort to fill in his information and hit the _Order_ button the very morning after her birthday. 

Taking them, however, was proving to be a much harder task. 

Ben had known from the get-go that there was no way he was going to forget the date of his soulmate’s birthday. It had been seared into his memory in a way that could only be blamed upon the fates, and the closer it came, the more Ben’s resolve began to crumble. 

It seemed the entire universe was out to get him, in fact. In the past week alone, multiple social media posts and news stories had been splayed across every platform he perused—tales of fate and love that were so sweet Ben could feel himself developing cavities just from skimming the headlines. Then came the couples themselves: the deliriously happy soulmates going out on their pre-Christmas shopping dates that just happened to coincide with when Ben was returning home from meetings with his advisor. Ben especially hated the couples. 

To make matters worse, all the examples of soulmate bonds gone right had served as a reminder of everything he was missing out on in his relationship with Bazine. Try as he might to keep their relationship going, they’d lost their spark this past year. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Ben knew that finding out his soulmate existed had led to his waning interest in Bazine, but pigs would fly before he admitted that to himself. 

So there he sat, on the night before his soulmate’s nineteenth birthday, tempted to simply put the blockers back where he’d had them hidden all this time, at the back of his medicine cabinet. 

He wasn’t sure he had the courage to take them—to turn his back on everything he’d wanted for as long as he could remember. And yet, his conscience plagued him. He couldn’t—wouldn’t—be the reason an eighteen-year-old girl was forced to grow up too quickly, or even change her plans, in order to accommodate him. Still, getting another glimpse at her life wouldn’t hurt… would it? He’d barely allowed himself to know anything about her the year before. He didn’t even know her name. 

“Ben, what’s taking you so long? Come back to bed,” he heard Baz call from their bedroom. 

“I’ll be right out,” he responded, rising from his perch on the edge of the bathtub. He gave himself one last nod of reassurance in the mirror above the sink before leaving the small room. 

The blockers remained sitting at the sink, unopened. 

* * *

The following morning, Ben woke up to his soulmate being prodded gently awake by a girl with bangs and thick, full-rimmed glasses. 

“Rey,” the girl poked her once again. “Come on, I have to leave soon.”

His soulmate's eyes fluttered open as she grunted sleepily, rolling over so that he got a better look at her room. He dimly registered that she was named Rey but couldn’t quite bring himself to acknowledge how well her name fit with the image of her he’d had stored in his head for the past year. 

Their dorm room was fairly standard, with two beds sitting directly across from each other and desks pushed up against both of them. It looked like the girls had just about finished packing up for the semester, with suitcases and scattered articles of clothing occupying the space between the two beds. 

“I’m awake,” his soulmate mumbled, pulling herself out of bed. The other girl, who he presumed to be Rey’s roommate, thrust a warm to-go cup into her hands. 

“Drink,” she instructed, turning away from the bed and walking over to the other side of the room. 

Rey complied, practically inhaling her coffee.

“I wanted us to at least acknowledge that it’s your birthday before I have to leave,” the girl explained, walking back over to Rey holding what looked to be a red velvet cupcake with cream cheese frosting. A single candle had been stuck into the top, the flame quivering slightly in the morning light. 

“Rose, you really didn’t have to!” Rey exclaimed, reaching forward to pull her roommate into a hug. She only narrowly avoided getting a chest-full of cupcake in the process. “You know I’m not the biggest fan of my birthday.”

Rose grimaced. Ben hoped her distaste for birthdays wasn’t a direct result of his existence, but he had a sinking feeling that he was wrong. 

“I know, and I get it. But I felt terrible leaving without seeing you on your birthday. At least blow out the candle?” Rose flashed her a pleading look. “You know you want the cupcake, it's from that bakery down by the south side of campus.”

His soulmate sighed, nodding. 

“Yeah, I want the cupcake. But no singing, okay?”

Rose nodded, holding the candle up to Rey. She closed her eyes and, taking a deep breath, blew out the flame. Grinning, Rose plucked the extinguished candle out of the cupcake before handing it to Rey. 

“Happy birthday!” She exclaimed, pulling her into another quick side-hug. 

Rey snorted, “I’m not exactly sure how happy it’s going to be.”

“Can you… feel him? His presence, I mean.” Rose asked curiously, taking a piece of the cupcake from Rey. 

Ben wasn’t sure he wanted to hear how much his soulmate hated him after their body swap the year before, but he knew he deserved it. 

“Sort of. I could last year as well, but I don’t think I really knew what it was at the time, exactly. It’s like this tingling warmth in the back of my head.” Rey explained. 

“I can’t wait to experience that,” Rose sighed wistfully. “I feel like everyone I know has had their body swaps but me.”

Rey laughed. “It’s not our fault you skipped second grade! Plus, I’m not exactly happy about this. I feel like such an idiot for not ordering my blockers on time.” 

So she’d wanted to take blockers, too. Ben really couldn’t say he blamed her; he still wasn’t completely sure how much she’d discerned about his relationship with Bazine last year. 

“It’s only natural that you forgot; things have been so intense since we got here,” Rose reminded her. A buzzing sound broke out in the room, causing Rose to jump slightly. She pulled her phone out of her pocket. “I’ve got to go, my Uber’s here,” she told Rey, walking back over to what Ben assumed was her suitcase. “Call me as soon as you get home, okay?”

Rey nodded, “Will do. See you after break.” 

Rose flashed Rey one last smile before heading out the door. Once she’d left, the door shut firmly behind her, Ben’s soulmate let out a loud sigh and fell back into her bed, covers pulled tightly over her head. 

Ben waited patiently as she mentally prepared herself to face her day, his heart sinking even further at the thought that whatever she had witnessed on his end last year had led this day—her _birthday_ —to be such a chore for her.

The next couple of hours passed by in a rather uneventful manner, Ben watching over his soulmate as she packed up the belongings that would travel home with her over winter break. He was determined to stay with her the whole day, no matter how mundane it may be. He hadn’t given her a fair chance the year before, he’d come to realize, and surely she deserved better than that. 

He watched as she left her residence hall, noting dimly that it looked strangely familiar, and got in a cab. It took her to the train station, and as she paid the cab driver, Ben was struck with the sudden realization that he’d been there before. 

Standing before him in all its glory was Coruscant Station. With its marble exterior, large majestic columns and domed ceiling, its beauty was a sight that Ben was incredibly well-acquainted with. He’d earned his Bachelor’s degree at Coruscant University, after all, and spent the entirety of his childhood in the bustling capital city. He marveled at the fates and their planning, for they’d placed Ben’s soulmate in his hometown for the next three years minimum. 

The pull to go looking for her had never been more irresistible.

As she went through the motions, going through metal detectors and pulling her e-ticket up on her phone for the station employee to check, Ben noted that she was taking a train to Takodana. Brows furrowed, Ben wondered if she’d lived there all her life. He’d frequented Takodana when he was younger, mostly with his father and his Uncle Chewie, to visit an old friend of the family. 

He suddenly wished he’d taken his father up on the offer to join him on the fishing trip to Takodana he’d taken around this time the year before.

His soulmate sat down at one of the benches on Platform Eleven to wait for her train, pulling out a tablet from her backpack. As she powered it up, Ben realized it was an e-reader and couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed. He always had been, and always would be, an advocate for paper books. There was nothing like the feeling of a hardcover in your hands and the smell of paper in the air to bring comfort to the soul. 

_Well,_ he thought, _nobody’s perfect._

As Rey scrolled through the library, Ben was impressed at the books he saw listed. Her taste was diverse, ranging from romance and sci-fi novels to the classics and non-fiction books about the meaning of the universe. She was definitely a reader. He watched as she chose _The Sun Also Rises_ , a book that her e-reader showed she’d already read, and began to read it from the beginning again. 

It really was like she was made for him, Ben realized, much to his dismay. _The Sun Also Rises_ was one of his favorite books by Hemingway. 

She was about halfway through the fifth chapter, Ben following along with her, when her phone began to ring. Placing her e-reader face down on her lap, Rey lifted her phone up to her ear and answered the call. 

“Hey, Maz.” She greeted the person on the other end of the phone call. “I’m just waiting on the train now. I can’t wait to get home to you guys.”

Ben felt like he couldn’t breathe. There had to be at least two individuals named Maz who lived in Takodana, right?

“Happy birthday, Rey,” an incredibly familiar voice responded. “What time do you think you’ll be home?”

Ben didn’t hear what his soulmate’s response was, his mind too busy running through thoughts at about a million miles an hour. 

Was Rey one of Maz Kanata’s ex-foster children? 

This development had to be recent. He knew for a fact that Maz hadn’t been fostering anyone named Rey the last time he’d visited. Granted, the last time he’d seen her had been nearly four years ago, now. 

Everywhere he looked that day, he’d seen signs that he and Rey had lives that were already intertwined, lives that were pushing them toward meeting each other. Suddenly, it all made sense. He was finally ready to confront the truth about the utter stupidity of his actions the year before. Everything he’d been feeling, all the doubts and the nosedive in the quality of his relationship with Baz, all stemmed from one simple truth: his soulmate was out there, and she was the only one who could make him feel whole. 

He’d done his best in the past year, perhaps subconsciously, to evade the fates in every way he could. And yet, it now seemed as though every fibre of his being was screaming at him to rush to Takodana. To find her and apologize profusely for not having waited—age difference be damned. 

But… no. He couldn’t just swoop in and try to be with her now. She was still young, she needed time to at least experience life at university without being permanently shackled to him. He still had Baz to deal with, and grad school to get through. So, he decided he would wait. 

One more year, he told himself. One more year, and he’d go looking for her. 

______

Rey was much more aware of where she was the second time she woke up in her soulmate’s body. Her first instinct was to brace herself for the possibility that he was in bed with somebody else. As Ben stretched out on a massive bed, no doubt to accommodate the large frame of his that she remembered so clearly from the year prior, she was irrationally pleased to find that the space next to him on the mattress was empty. 

Relief flooded her system, that pesky hopeful voice at the back of her mind gaining some traction. 

_Maybe he left her after he found out you exist_ , the voice screamed. _Maybe he’s been looking for you all this time._

Feeling the urge to roll her eyes at the stupid genetic predisposition that left her wanting this—albeit cute—stranger, Rey squashed the little spark of hope that had ignited deep within her system. Hope was a dangerous thing, after all, and she’d be damned if she was caught off guard by her soulmate and his propensity for disappointing her again. 

She watched him sit up in bed, unlock his phone, and scroll through his notifications. She learned as he went through his emails that he was a doctoral student at the University of Chandrila, a mere hour away from where she went to school. 

Ignoring the urge that rose up within her to go looking for him as soon as she possibly could, she focused her attention back on Ben, who had risen from the bed. He headed into the ensuite bathroom and, like the year before, Rey diverted her attention as he relieved himself, only honing back in on him when he walked over to the sink. 

As Rey caught her second glimpse of her heart-stopping soulmate in the bathroom mirror, she couldn’t help the instinctual need to find him—to claim him as her own—that bubbled up within her. She was thankful when he shifted his gaze from the mirror, allowing her to calm down slightly. She heard him curse under his breath as his gaze drifted to a gap between the sink and the wall, where a bottle of pills had managed to wedge itself. 

He bent down, long frame folding awkwardly, and reached for the plastic bottle. Once it was out of the gap and in the palm of his hand, Rey had no problem recognizing its contents. Inside the bottle were the very pills that she had spent months researching, the same pills that she had forgotten to order in time for her birthday—deep red Bond Blockers. 

Rey’s heart sank as she stared at the pills in front of her. Ben moved to open the cabinet under the sink, shoving the plastic case in and pushing it as far back into the cabinet as it could go, before he shut it tight. 

She had a sinking feeling that her soulmate was still in a relationship, after all, but more importantly, if his secrecy was anything to judge by, he was in a relationship with someone who didn’t even know she existed. Part of her wanted desperately to end the swap right then and there, but another, much bigger, masochistic part of her was curious. It was morbid curiosity, to be sure, but she wanted to meet the woman who had her soulmate so completely enamored. 

She waited patiently as he finished brushing his teeth, unable to bear looking at him at all. Eventually, Ben made his way out of the bathroom and headed toward the other door in the bedroom—the one that presumably led out of the room—before pausing just by it. She could hear a female voice on the other side, seemingly on the phone. It took Rey a few moments to realize that the woman was talking about Ben. 

“...he’s been kind of distracted lately,” the woman told the person on the other end of the call. “He’s spending so much more time at the university. I have to admit, I was a little worried, but then Armie told me that he met his grandmother and mother for lunch the other day and I finally realized what this is about.” The woman—Rey assumed this was the voice of Bazine, Ben’s girlfriend—paused, as though to build up suspense. “Jen, I think he’s going to propose! They have this ring that’s been in their family for forever, and why else would he meet with them other than to get it for me? You know Ben doesn’t meet with his family unless there’s a reason.” 

The woman continued to babble excitedly to her friend on the phone about her excitement regarding her impending engagement, a feeling of complete numbness settling over Rey. 

Married. 

Her soulmate was going to _marry_ the woman on the other side of the door. 

Her soulmate pushed the door open a few moments later, his girlfriend ending her call abruptly in favor of walking over to him and greeting him with a kiss. 

Rey could no longer bear to watch the happy couple, not with the knowledge she’d just gained. She was not going to let this go on any longer. He was happy, his life was already more full than hers ever would be, and he didn’t seem to have any place for her in it, at all. This was the last time she would allow the body swap to take place. She knew now what she had to do. And as she curled in on herself, wanting no part of the blissfully domestic scene rolling out in front of her soulmate’s eyes, she was sure she had the strength to do it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me a comment with your thoughts! Or come find me on [ Twitter](https://twitter.com/venetumx). The next chapter should be up soon :)


	4. three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a pretty short chapter, but at least we're gonna have them meet in the next one? also there's been a rating change 👀. Fair warning though, this one gets fairly angsty. 
> 
> Thanks to [ Hannah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/metallia2797/pseuds/metallia2797) for turning my incoherent word vomit into something vaguely legible ❤️

_“How many times did we pass each other before we met? If only I’d known…. I would have searched for you endlessly. If only I’d found you before it was already too late.”_

_― Ranata Suzuki_

_“Everything in his life now seemed to signal: too late.”_

_― Iris Murdoch, The Green Knight_

**Year 3, Age 20**

A lot could happen in a year, and the year following Rey’s nineteenth birthday had been eventful, to say the least. 

The morning after her nineteenth birthday had found her ordering Bond Blockers, even splurging for two years worth, so that she would never have to experience being stuck in the head of her soulmate ever again. She’d spent Christmas in a bit of a daze, crying it out with Maz and enjoying the comfort that her foster mother and Finn could bring her as much as she could before she had to head back to school for the Spring semester. 

The blockers had arrived in time for the new year, and had acted as a catalyst for Rey’s social life, in a way. They took up a place of prominence at her desk, acting as a constant reminder that she no longer had a soulmate worth waiting or caring for. She was finally able to let loose, even going so far as to convince herself she had never really wanted a soulmate, anyway. 

Soulmate bonds were just another experience she didn’t deserve, and she was okay with that. 

That’s what she told herself, anyway. 

She’d even begun to take Kaydel, the girl who lived in the dorm room across from Rey and Rose, up on her invitations to go out partying on occasion. Rey discovered she quite enjoyed the pleasant buzz a few drinks brought on, as well as the way they dimmed the constant ache in her chest. 

She’d met Zac Strunk in March, at one of the frat parties she’d allowed Kaydel to drag her to. With a belly full of booze and a heart finally numb, she’d lost her virginity to him in one of the bathrooms at the back of the house. She hadn’t quite been ready to date then, but they’d been friends ever since. 

The months started to blur together after that, Zac’s steadfast presence in her life working as a bandaid over the hole in her heart—not completely effective, but a start nonetheless. 

She spent her summer helping Maz back home in Takodana, taking solace in the jungle behind Maz’s house, and driving out to meet Rose and Zac as often as she could. She’d tried her best to be present when she hung out with Finn and Poe, but being around happily bonded soulmates still hurt. 

Going back to school in August provided her with a much-needed distraction, and Rey was finally able to immerse herself in classes that were related to her chosen major: Astrophysics. By the time November came around, she found she barely flinched at the mention of soulmates, her mind full of star charts as she dreamed of worlds full of people outside of her own and questioned the very beginnings of the universe itself. 

She even managed to convince herself she had no regrets as she swallowed down two little red blockers the night before her twentieth birthday. 

She was happy, she had no need for her soulmate. 

The ache in her heart was merely her body betraying her due to millennia of instinct, nothing more… right? 

* * *

December 15th rolled into the city of Coruscant on an angry mass of storm clouds from the west, which turned the sky the color of day-old bruises. As Ben Solo lay in bed that morning, his mind sluggish and limbs heavy with exhaustion, he couldn’t help feeling that something was amiss. 

He reached out for his phone, searching blindly across the surface of his still-new nightstand until he felt the cool, glass screen under his fingertips. Bringing it up to his face to unlock it, he blinked sleepily, allowing his eyes to adjust to the sudden bright light emitted from the screen. 

A calendar notification popped up on the screen, an annual reminder he’d set for his soulmate’s birthday. Logically, he knew he would never have actually forgotten a date as significant as this one, but his new job, and the move to a new city which it had prompted, had added up to make the past year one of the most hectic of his entire life. He wasn’t about to leave anything up to chance. 

As he dismissed the notification, he realized what it was that felt wrong. He shouldn’t have woken up in his own body that morning, he realized, searching his mind frantically for the telltale warmth that signified his soulmate’s presence. He found only the emptiness of his own mind, devoid of any comfort Rey might have brought him. 

Panic shot up his spine, waves of nervous energy making their way through his system as he tried to make sense of the situation. Why hadn’t the body swap occurred? He hadn’t read anything about the soulmate bond changing over time. Although it was rare that people continued to leave the bond incomplete once they’d discovered their soulmate, it definitely wasn’t unheard of. Ben had done enough research to know that the soulmate bond was unwavering—it worked like clockwork. 

It could only be severed by blockers or death.

Ben shot up in bed. Rey couldn’t be dead, could she? Surely the bond would have warned him if she’d been hurt. The fates couldn’t be cruel enough to bring them so close to each other after all this time only to snatch her away from him. 

No. She couldn’t be dead. He would’ve felt it if she was dead, he was sure of that, but the only other plausible reason for him to have woken up in his own body that morning was that Rey had taken Bond Blockers. If that was true, it meant she was actively rejecting the bond, rejecting him. 

That idea was almost harder to bear. 

Contrary emotions flooded Ben’s brain: relief and happiness at the fact that she wasn’t dead, but also sadness and bitter, biting disappointment because she had actually taken the pills this year. Eventually, the disappointment won out. 

Ben slumped down, head held in his hands. He had tried so hard to be someone who could be worthy of Rey. He’d gotten his life together. Breaking up with Bazine had been a no-brainer, of course, but ever since Rey’s last birthday, he’d put all his energy into finding job opportunities closer to her. He’d even doubled his workload, earning his doctorate a semester earlier than planned, and almost cried with relief when a position had opened up in the English Department at Coruscant U. 

All of that effort, and he’d still been too late. 

_I waited too long_ , he thought bitterly. _I fucked up, and she’s moved on._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me a comment with your thoughts! Or come find me on [ Twitter](https://twitter.com/venetumx).


	5. four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm aliiiiiive! Sorry it's been a couple of weeks since the last update, June kinda sucked for me and I wasn't really in a good place, writing-wise. But I have a really clear view of where this fic's headed now, and I'm super excited for you guys to see it! 
> 
> I also made some minor edits to the last chapter, it's nothing too significant, but the guy Rey lost her virginity to is a different character named Zac Strunk now (I took the liberty of giving Strunk from The Awakening a first name) and he’s gonna play a role in the next couple of chapters. 
> 
> They finally meet in this one, y'all. It only took 10k words...
> 
> Thanks to [ Hannah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/metallia2797/pseuds/metallia2797) and [ Halle ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/starcrossreylo/pseuds/starcrossreylo) for the beta read!❤️

_“I recognized you instantly. All of our lives flashed through my mind in a split second. I felt a pull so strongly towards you that I almost couldn't stop it.”_

_― J. Sterling, In Dreams_

**Year 3, Four Months to Age 21**

Moans and pants bounced off the walls of the moderately sized bedroom, two figures writhing frantically under the covers. Back arching, Rey gripped Zac’s shoulders tightly, nails clawing at his back as the speed of his thrusts increased, pushing her over the edge. White-hot pleasure rushed through Rey’s veins as Zac continued to thrust into her, prolonging the sensations flooding her body. Mind clouded by her orgasm, Rey only barely registered Zac hiss above her as he climaxed, subsequently flopping down next to her. 

“As nice as it was, being woken up at six a.m. with my dick in your mouth,” he began once he’d discarded the condom into the nearest bin, “are you okay?”

Rey propped herself up onto her elbow with some effort, turning to face her friend. 

“I’m fine! Are you seriously complaining about me waking you for sex?” Rey laughed. “It was seven a.m., by the way.”

“Never.” Zac flashed her one of his signature, panty-melting grins in return. “But, seriously, you can usually barely function before eight in the morning. Was it the dreams again?”

Rey shook her head, smile falling at the mention of her recurring nightmares. They weren’t terrifying, necessarily, but flared up when she was stressed. Zac had been a witness to one such nightmare regarding her biological parents, which had left her a shaking, crying mess, and had been a tiny bit paranoid about them ever since. 

“I just woke up this morning with all this nervous energy and figured I’d put it to good use,” she explained, winking at him when the corners of his lips lifted into a smirk. 

Zac leaned forward, planting a kiss on her forehead before he jumped out of bed. 

“Feel free to use me whenever you want.”

Rey laughed, dragging herself out of bed and searching for her underwear. 

“I might just take you up on that.”

She left his apartment that morning feeling much lighter than she had when she’d first woken up. 

Zac had been right in assuming her nightmares were back—they’d kept her up for a better part of the night before—but the form they were taking this semester was one Rey hadn’t encountered before. Gone were her familiar yet terrifying memories-turned-nightmares, fuelled by her rather vivid recollection of her birth parents on the day they had abandoned her. In their place came flashes of red and blue light clashing in a snowscape, the very ground ripping itself apart as Rey fought to survive. Her night had been spent in a fretful limbo, not quite asleep, but not entirely awake, and, when she woke up that morning, she could have sworn the smell of blood and burning flesh still lingered on her clothing. 

She’d barely felt the lack-of-sleep as she went about getting ready for her first day of classes (a whole two hours ahead of schedule!) The dream had left her feeling strangely invigorated, nerves tingling with pent-up energy that desperately needed an outlet, so she’d decided to pay Zac a visit before her first class of the semester, knowing he’d be more than willing to help her out.

Rey’s third year of college had been uneventful, so far. She’d chosen to live off campus, moving out with Rose into a fairly cheap apartment building a couple of minutes from campus. She’d been delighted to find that Zac had moved into the same building a couple of weeks before her and was happy to pick up the handy arrangement they’d developed during sophomore year where it had left off the previous semester. 

She’d found solace in the routine of having Zac around to have fun with, especially since he expected absolutely nothing in return. A year ago, she might have scoffed at the idea of having a friend with benefits, fully aware of how messy such situations often got. Getting to know Zac, however, had changed her mind. She trusted him, she’d realized, and knew his priorities matched up almost perfectly with her own. 

The incredibly boozy start to the spring semester of her freshman year had left her grades teetering precariously on the edge of failure and put her on academic probation, at risk of losing her scholarship. She couldn’t afford to go on the way she had been and had spent the better part of her second year getting her act together with Rose and Zac’s help. 

She’d even managed to get into an accelerated Masters program at CU, allowing her an extra year at school while she figured out what she wanted to do with her life. 

The decisions she had made thus far had been fairly easy, her stellar high school record giving her access to a myriad of different programs and scholarships. Maz had always told her to go with her gut, reminding her that the Fates had paths laid out for everyone, and she had felt inexplicably drawn to the city of Coruscant. Something about the towering skyscrapers and flashing lights resonated deeply with her. In fact, she had accepted the offer to attend Coruscant University the very same day her letter had arrived in the mail. 

Choosing her major hadn’t been particularly difficult, either. She had known since she was a little girl that she wanted to study the stars—they had remained the only constants in her life throughout foster care, and provided her with immense comfort even now—so deciding to study Astrophysics had been a no-brainer. Her English Lit minor had been an impulsive addition at the end of her first semester at the school, a piece of her soul yearning to read and study the words of those who had experienced what she would never allow herself to. 

It was only when she arrived at her first English class the next semester that she’d realized how hard she’d made things for herself: reading, and then rereading, and poring over, and analyzing the works of those so enamored of their soulmates that they had been inspired to write thousands and thousands of words about their love only served to remind her that she would never be allowed the very same. 

Nevertheless, for every couple of books they studied about soulmates, there was one about a couple not destined to be together, who fought against everything society held dear. Those were the books that made it all worth it, the ones that filled her with _hope_. 

Never once had she felt as though she was in the wrong place, doing the wrong thing. Her last couple of years at college had been as content as she hoped they would be, the memory of her unfaithful soulmate a distant memory clouded by the Bond Blockers she made sure to keep in her apartment at all times. 

Yet, as she made her way to her first class of the new semester—an advanced poetry class that fulfilled the last credit requirement for her minor—a strange sense of anticipation built up within her. A tingling feeling began to settle at the base of her spine as she searched for the lecture hall in which Doctor Solo was set to teach. 

Finding the lecture hall turned out to be easy enough, in the end, however. Although Doctor Solo was set to teach in a wing of the English Department that Rey was yet to be acquainted with, the gaggle of girls streaming into the room was a dead give-away. Letting out a frustrated sigh, she found herself wishing that she’d been able to strongarm Rose into taking this class when she had the chance. 

She’d heard the rumours when they began last semester, of course. Word of Doctor Solo’s incredible looks and magnetic charm spread like wildfire through the English Department, sending all the English Lit majors into a frenzy. She’d been lucky enough to snag a place in this class at the last minute—it was smaller than most: a seminar analyzing Romance poets with a cap of twenty students—despite her academic advisor reminding her repeatedly of the exponential increase in demand for Professor Solo’s classes following his first semester at CU. Rey had yet to see him herself, but was well enough acquainted with excited undergraduate students to be unsurprised at the reaction a new, young, handsome professor had caused. 

Walking into the moderately sized room, Rey was relieved to see that she knew at least one person in the class. She walked over to where Kaydel sat, taking a seat at the round table next to the bubbly blonde. 

“Rey!” she exclaimed, smiling widely. “I didn’t know you were in this class.”

“It’s so good to see you!” Rey leaned over to hug the girl. She hadn’t seen much of her friend over the summer on account of Kaydel traveling across Europe with her family. “This is the last class I need for my minor, so I’m just trying to get it out of the way before next semester.”

Kaydel nodded in acknowledgment. 

“I’m so excited for this class. I’ve heard Doctor Solo’s amazing,” she commented, pulling her laptop out of her bag.

“Everyone certainly seems to think so.” 

Rey did the same, making sure she had all of her supplies out and ready to go.

The two girls engaged in some idle chit chat, Rey filling Kaydel in on her more relaxed, lowkey summer while Kaydel narrated a rather hilarious story involving a porter, a stray dog, and the bulk of her luggage getting lost in Venice. She was just explaining how they had managed to retrieve her luggage in the end, when Rey heard the door swing open. 

A quick glance around the room proved that all of the seats had already been filled, save the one she assumed would be Doctor Solo’s. She nodded blankly along to the end of Kaydel’s story, craning her neck to get a look at the man who had caused such a stir on campus. 

The first thing she noticed about him was his hair—inky locks so luscious Rey was tempted to reach out and run her hand through them. Brows furrowed at the impulse, she waited impatiently while he deposited his briefcase at the desk in the corner of the room, wondering if his face did justice to the body attached to it. Towering over the class at well over six feet, Doctor Solo was all broad shoulders and muscular arms, his blazer doing wonders for his physique. There was something vaguely familiar about the man, but from this angle she couldn’t quite place where she’d seen him before. 

Rey had always prided herself on being in control of her base instincts, had always been able to separate her emotions from logic, and yet, as she watched Doctor Solo get ready for the class to begin, she couldn’t help but understand why everyone wanted to attend this man’s class. And she hadn’t even seen his _face_ yet. 

Scoffing at herself, Rey shook her head. She was being ridiculous. She definitely wasn’t the kind of student to lust after a Professor, even one as attractive as Doctor Solo so clearly was. She simply had too much to lose. 

And yet, the nervous energy that had been buzzing in her veins since she woke up that morning only increased in its intensity as she waited patiently for the class to begin, making each passing moment feel like a millennium. A ball of anticipation built steadily in the pit of her stomach, only adding to her strange desire to never leave the classroom again.

“Good morning, everyone,” Doctor Solo began from the front of the class, the deep, rich timbre of his voice so incredibly familiar. 

Her heart began to race, mind scouring her memories as she tried to remember where she’d heard his distinctive voice before. A memory niggled at the back of her mind, a conversation she only vaguely remembers witnessing, one between a mother and son that she’d tried her best to bury over the past few years. 

Rey froze. 

It was slowly coming back to her now, the soothing, husky voice of her soulmate that she hadn’t wanted to think about in a long time. 

She slowly raised her gaze, heart beating so fast Rey was afraid it might beat its way right out of her chest. 

Standing before her was the very man she dreamt of every night for the past three years—the first man to have ever broken her heart, the man she’d been told she would spend the rest of her life with, the man she’d never actually met in person. 

Standing before her was Ben, _her_ Ben, only he’d never really belonged to her at all. 

Doctor Benjamin Solo, esteemed Professor that had captured the heart of nearly every girl in the English Department, was her soulmate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me a comment with your thoughts! Or come find me on [ Twitter](https://twitter.com/venetumx). Next chapter should be up within the week :)


	6. five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to the wonderful members of the Reylo Hidden Gems server for featuring this fic as a Hidden Gem last week! I was so excited when I saw the tweet you guys, omg. 
> 
> Here's a little insight into Ben's mind when he first sees Rey (and a first interaction!!) I've been told the angst doesn't really get better in this one, sorry! 
> 
> Thanks to [ Hannah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/metallia2797/pseuds/metallia2797) for the beta read!❤️

_ “I guess that’s just part of loving people: You have to give things up. Sometimes you even have to give them up.” _

_ ―Lauren Oliver, Delirium _

**Year 3, Four Months to Age 21**

It had been a couple of months since Ben last had this dream. He dreamed of Rey, in some way or another, nearly every night—his therapist claimed it was his soul’s way of coping with being separated from its other half, but Ben liked to think it was simply the universe’s cruel way of reminding him of exactly what he was missing out on. 

They varied drastically, random scenes from what Ben assumed were different lives they had lived together. He’d enjoyed them when they first began a little after his soulmate’s twentieth birthday. They were a way to spend time with her, after all, and he’d take that wherever he could get it. But as the weeks had passed, he’d grown bitter at having to witness the happiness and the sorrow he experienced with Rey in his dreams, so sure that he couldn’t plausibly be a part of Rey’s life in the real world. 

He’d gone to therapy seeking answers to the dreams but had only been told to look within, to search for the reasons he’d been so reluctant to  _ wait _ , so ready to simply write off the existence of his soulmate and move on, why he’d been afraid. 

His last few months had been spent working to better his own image of himself, thankful he’d decided to move back home to teach. 

The dreams hadn’t faded as he healed his relationship with his family and with himself, but his resentment of them had. He rarely remembered them when he woke up anymore. 

But the morning of the beginning of the Fall semester was different. 

He’d had a dream he hadn’t seen before, of flaming ruins and scurrying soldiers, and Rey, always Rey, this time running through the jungle as though her life depended on it. 

He remembered he’d followed her, remembered finding her, his sword blazing in his hand, ready to fight. 

He’d woken up shaking, and although his memory of the dream itself had escaped him almost as quickly as it had arrived, he remembered thinking, before he fell back asleep, that perhaps the two of them were simply destined to be at odds in every lifetime, battling themselves, and each other, in effort to simply be loved. 

* * *

Ben had always hated first days of school when he was younger. His summers had never been spent doing what kids his age considered normal and rarely had they been spent with his peers. The vacations he hadn’t spent holed up in his mother’s study, lying on the carpet with a book while he listened to his mother work, had been spent traveling with his father and Uncle Chewie. Returning to school when the three months were over had always left a funny feeling in the pit of his stomach, the feeling of peace being lost.

That had all changed when he’d gone to university. His days spent getting his Bachelor's degree at CU had been where he’d come into himself. He’d finally found camaraderie with like-minded people—people that he’d actually wanted to be friends with—and felt like he was able to have an identity outside of that of his family. 

His apprehension of first days back had only further decreased once he’d begun to teach. Since then getting to know his students often stuck out as the highlight of each semester. He was a firm believer that the more he understood a student, the easier it was for him to help them, in turn, understand the subject matter.

The first day of his second semester teaching at Coruscant University began like any other, although he hadn’t gotten much sleep after his dream had jerked him awake. The dark circles under his eyes were testament to the hours he’d spent tossing and turning until he’d deemed it a reasonable time to awaken. 

He slipped easily back into the routine he’d constructed before the summer, doing his best to ignore the ever-growing pit in his stomach that had first made its appearance earlier that morning. 

It was strange, he thought as he made his way out of his apartment that morning, that he should be feeling any nerves at all. He’d barely been nervous when he first started at CU in the spring, his years of experience as a TA more than preparing him for his classes. He’d never felt more in his element than when he taught and had been looking forward to beginning the new academic year. 

He didn’t have much time to dwell on the matter as he drove to campus, Poe filling the silence with his never-ending chatter, this time regarding his soulmate’s foster sister. Ben nodded along to Poe’s story as best he could as they pulled into campus, parting ways with the man at the junction between the English and Engineering Departments. 

The pit in his stomach only grew as he stopped by his office to drop some of his stuff off before his first class of the day, an advanced poetry seminar he’d been looking forward to teaching for weeks. Making his way up to the room he’d been assigned, he felt as though the butterflies that had been building steadily for the better part of his morning were beginning to escape into the rest of him, filling his veins with a light, thrumming energy.

_ You’ve done this a million times before, it’ll be fine _ , he assured himself, taking a moment to gather his thoughts before pushing the door to the room open. 

He strode right to the desk set up for him in a corner of the room, taking a moment to set up his supplies and letting the quiet chatter of his students wash over him. He hadn’t actually taught a group this small by himself yet, so he was definitely interested to see how it turned out this semester. 

Gaze flickering quickly to the time, he nodded to himself and turned to face the class. 

“Good morning, everyone.” He began, walking over to the round table around which his students sat. “Welcome to ENG 334: British Poetry of the Romantic Period. I’m sure you have already had a chance to look over the syllabus I sent out last week, but if not, we will do so shortly.”

Ben ran his gaze over the small group of students, watching them nod in assent, before it settled on a brunette who sat directly across from the empty seat he presumed had been spared for himself. It took his brain a couple of moments to catch up with his eyes and process what he was seeing, to recognize the girl who had frozen in her seat almost as soon as he’d started talking. Later, if asked, Ben would admit he had absolutely no idea how he hadn’t noticed her as soon as he’d walked into the room. 

His eyes met hers, a pair of incredibly familiar, chocolate brown eyes boring a hole into his soul, and it was as though he’d been punched in the gut. 

It felt as though everything in his life had suddenly clicked into place, like every single moment in his life had led to this moment. At once, the rabble of butterflies which had been jostling for space to move through his body took flight, leaving him weightless.

He could hardly believe this was real. 

It couldn’t possibly be actually happening. 

After months and months of searching to no avail, after waking up last December completely alone, her presence ripped out of his mind by the blockers, and just as he’d come to terms with never being able to have her in his life, there she sat, in the middle of his class.

“Fuck,” he breathed, holding onto the chair in front of him for support. 

His soulmate was in his class. 

_ Rey  _ was in  _ his  _ class. 

He was vaguely aware of someone coughing in the background, the real world crashing down on him as he realized they were still in the middle of his classroom, surrounded by students eagerly waiting to learn his insights on Romantic poetry. 

He chuckled uncomfortably, forcing himself to rip his gaze off of Rey and focus back on the task at hand. 

“Sorry about that, I stubbed my toe. Let’s get on with this, shall we?”

Ben proceeded to walk the class through a round of fairly straightforward ice breakers, allowing himself a moment to breathe and gather himself as the students introduced themselves to each other. He reminded himself not to let his gaze linger on  _ her _ for too long, but he found he really couldn’t help himself. After nearly a year and a half of wondering if he’d ever meet her, of wondering whether she’d even want to talk to him if he did, there she sat, a mere six feet away from him. 

He only wished he hadn’t complicated matters the way he had. 

He could tell without conversing with her that she was incredibly uncomfortable with the situation they had been put in. He was sure she’d seen him with Bazine the year before last and written him off and (no matter how stilted his relationship with Baz had become in those last days) he couldn’t say he blamed her. 

He remembered, somewhat suddenly, the way she and her roommate had acted the last time the two had swapped bodies, her birthday so thoroughly ruined by his presence (or lack thereof) in her life. 

Wincing, he turned away from her. 

He’d forgone their bond and undermined any trust she might have placed in him the moment he’d decided not to break up with Baz that first year, and he couldn’t just waltz back into her life now pretending everything was alright. 

The time for that had long since passed. Ben had screwed with this girl’s life enough already, he owed it to her to just leave her alone. 

Shaking his head, he bit down the temptation to tell her to see him after class and turned back to face his class. 

He spent the next half hour going over the syllabus and fielding questions from his students. 

Rey never once uttered a word. 

* * *

Rey was sure the past thirty-five minutes had been some of the most uncomfortable of her entire life. There was something to be said about randomly running into your soulmate despite not actively looking for them, of course. In any other circumstance, Rey might have even found the situation vaguely cute. But considering the fact that her soulmate was probably already married to the love of his life by now, all she’d really wanted to do was leave the class and never look back. 

Still, she had somehow made it through the icebreakers in one piece, sticking close to Kaydel and barely interacting with the rest of the students, and she breathed a sigh of relief when Ben—Doctor Solo?—indicated that they could all return to their seats. 

A ball of anxiety was building up in the back of her throat as she resisted every primal urge that threatened to take over. She could feel it all just as she had read it described over and over: it was as though there was a string connecting the two of them, one that tugged insistently at her, pulling at the base of her spine. She yearned to touch him, to feel his steadfast presence and finally put her soul at ease.

But… no. 

She couldn’t. She knew  _ exactly _ why she couldn’t. 

Her hands began to shake uncontrollably, not stilling as she did her best to pull a copy of the class syllabus up on her screen. 

She was vaguely aware of Kaydel asking her if she was okay, but she could not quite muster up the strength to answer her vocally. She was sure her shaky voice would give her away if she had, vocal cords tremoring in sync with the rest of her as Ben’s presence rocked over her body like an earthquake with her heart as the epicenter. 

Instead, she forced a weak nod at Kaydel. 

She needed to get out of here before she got worse; she was sure she was on the brink of a panic attack. 

Balling her hands into fists to try and calm their incessant trembling, she took a deep breath. The last thing she wanted was to draw attention to herself and force her soulmate to have to interact with her. 

It was just as she began to think of a reasonable escape plan that he began to speak, the low, pleasing tone of his voice wrapping around her like a weighted blanket and almost immediately soothing her quavering. 

Doing her best not to look up at him, Rey grudgingly allowed his voice to calm her, not entirely sure whether she was pleased or frustrated by the effect this man already had on her. The panic and nerves that had been building up at the back of her throat began to dissipate, leaving behind only her rising need to be closer to him, to talk to him and claim him as her own. 

As the minutes ticked by and Ben continued to explain his plan for the semester to the class, she wasn’t sure she was strong enough to resist the temptation to simply give in and talk to him. If left to her own devices, she was sure she would corner him the second she had the chance after class. And that was a risk she simply could not take. 

She didn’t know what she might blurt out in the heat of the moment, what kind of utter drivel might leave her as her brain struggled to function in his intoxicating presence. The last thing she needed was for him to realize how much she cared, how desperately she had wanted things to work between them before she had really known him. 

_ But you don’t know him _ , her subconscious pointed out.  _ Not yet, anyway. _

But she was sure she knew enough, and moreover, she knew herself. She wasn’t going to be the one to come between her soulmate and his wife. 

So, she decided to call on some backup instead. 

Her first instinct was to text Rose, who she knew would drop everything to come save her from a potentially embarrassing encounter with Ben. However, Rose didn’t have class till noon and was spending the morning catching up with her soulmate who had only just returned to the country after spending a year abroad. She probably wouldn’t even have her phone on.

Scrolling through her text messages for a sensible alternative, she settled on the one other person she knew who wouldn’t hesitate to help her out of her soulmate situation, one who was just as familiar with the ugly side of soulmates as she was. 

Zac responded to her plea for help almost as soon as she’d sent it, causing her to bite back a smile. 

_ I’ll be there to pick you up from class before you do something stupid _ , he’d written, somehow knowing exactly where her mind was at without her needing to explain herself. 

_ Don’t be late _ , she’d responded, sinking back in her seat and preparing herself for another painful thirty minutes of class. 

When, only twenty minutes later, Ben informed the class that they were done for the day, and that they’d dive into the course content next week, Rey had to swallow a gulp. It was too early for Zac to be waiting for her, but Rey did her best to pack up quickly anyway, supplies shoved into her backpack in a haphazard fashion that she was sure she’d end up regretting later in the day. Backpack slung over her shoulder, she made to slink her way out of the classroom while Ben was sufficiently distracted by the students that had crowded around his desk in an attempt to talk to him (not that even a miniscule part of her held out hope that he’d  _ want _ to talk to her. No way. Not at all.)

She thought she’d made a successful escape, slipping out of the classroom and into the desolate corridor at the very end of the North Wing of the English Department and deciding she’d just text Zac to meet her elsewhere. That was when she heard him. 

“Re—er, Miss Niima!” She heard him call out to her, footsteps thumping closer and closer. 

Rey shut her eyes tightly, trying her best to ignore the shiver that travelled down her spine at the sound of her name coming from his lips. She entertained the thought of simply ignoring him for a second, wondering what consequences she’d face if she just kept walking, before pushing the thought from her mind. Soulmates aside, the man was still her professor and they had to co-exist for the rest of the semester. 

She turned to face him, bracing herself for the awkward confrontation that had been nearly three years in the making. 

“Yes, Doctor Solo?”

The man came to a stop a few feet away from her, cheeks slightly flushed. 

“You left this in the classroom,” he told her, drawing her attention to the tablet clutched in one of his hands, her familiar white and blue cover just barely visible. “I figured you’d want it back sooner rather than later. 

“Oh,” she began, trying her best to keep the disappointment out of her voice. 

It wasn’t like she actually wanted him to confront her. Of course not. 

“Thank you,” she took the tablet from him gingerly, careful to avoid making contact with him. She wasn’t sure she could handle being touched by him—her resolve had been steadily declining since the beginning of class and any sort of touching was sure to be the straw that broke the camel’s back. 

A tense sort of silence settled between the pair, neither one quite sure what to say next. Rey desperately wanted to leave, to bolt before she did something they would both come to regret, but a deeper, more primal part of her wanted nothing more than to climb the man in front of her like a tree. 

Ben was the first to break the silence, clearing his throat awkwardly. 

“You’re welcome,” he nodded. 

Spotting Zac turning the corner into the corridor behind Ben, Rey resisted the urge to breathe out a sigh of relief. 

“I should probably go, um, I have class soon.” 

“Right, yeah. Of course. I’ll see you Wednesday, then.” Ben nodded, biting his lip. 

“See you then.”

Tearing her gaze away from his, Rey willed herself to walk away from him. The intensity of their bond—or rather, the shadow of potential that connected them—decreased steadily the further she went. 

Zac crossed the space between them in three long strides, catching a glimpse of the stricken expression that adorned Rey’s face, and pulled her into a hug. 

“Hey,” he murmured into her hair. “You okay?”

She nuzzled slightly into the familiar warmth of his chest and nodded, biting back a sudden urge to cry. 

“Is that him?” He asked a few moments later, Rey still held firmly in his arms. 

Realizing with a start that Ben was still standing where she had left him, she pulled away slightly to look up at Zac. 

“Yep,” she nodded once more, disentangling herself from Zac completely. The thought of Ben witnessing her interaction with Zac made her feel strangely dirty, as though she was committing some kind of heinous crime. 

She shook her head at the thought, angry that she somehow felt guilty despite Ben’s own relationship outside of their bond. 

Zac, beautiful, wonderful Zac, who understood her in ways that none of her friends ever really had, smirked down at her. 

“Wanna give him a show?” He cocked an eyebrow. 

Rey bit back a smile. It was almost as though he’d read her mind. She took a moment to contemplate the merits of that particular plan.

“Nah,” she finally decided. “I don’t need to stoop to his level.”

Zac laughed, eyes gleaming. 

“I’m proud of you, Niima.” He pressed a quick kiss on to the top of her head. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”

Rey readjusted the strap of her bag on her shoulder, sparing Ben one last glance before turning to slip her arm around Zac. 

“Let’s.”

* * *

As Ben watched this soulmate walk away, arm-in-arm with another man, he knew he had made the right decision. 

It didn’t matter how badly he wished he could have a future with Rey—one he could picture in excruciating detail—nor how much his heart hurt. Rey had found someone for herself: someone better than him, more appropriate. Someone who hadn’t betrayed her trust years before they had ever even met. 

Rey deserved to be happy in any way she chose, Ben decided, even as the horrible pressure in his chest threatened to cleave his heart in two. 

She deserved to be happy, and Ben would be damned if he was what got in the way of that ever again. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave me a comment with your thoughts! Or come find me on [ Twitter](https://twitter.com/venetumx). Next chapter should be up within the week :)


End file.
